How to Fake ‘Morning Person’

As a very small child, I would rouse myself out of bed on Saturday mornings at 7am to watch Pee Wee’s Playhouse. (I barely spoke English at the time but had a fully developed sense of camp.) When the show was over, I went back to bed for another hour.
This is all to say that I am not a morning person. I have never been, and I never will be.